Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence | Esther Perel

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence | Esther Perel | Mating in Captivity

books:

Mating in Captivit...

	Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence Esther Perel Harper Paperbacks, 2007 - 272 pages average customer review:based on 34 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Return to Paradise, Lost

Do you feel lost, frustrated, confined or disappointed with your sex life? Does sex feel like a chore? Has the rugrats' arrival sucked that sexual impulse out of ya? Or maybe relations has morphed over the years from what seemed spicy and fresh into a short menu of the same ol' sauces and meats? Do you wonder if this is the inevitable result of being married/together with the same person for years? That you just have to "grow-up" and accept it?

Esther Perel, in "mating in captivity: unlocking erotic intelligence" says, you can have that soulful home-made chicken soup and STILL be pouring that Sriratcha in...or even head out for sushi some nights. How? By awakening your erotic intelligence: your ability to know how to be both serious and playful at sex; be both adult and child-like; be committed and free...

An experienced and articulate psychotherapist, Perel weaves together her specific experiences from her practice and professional observations about the societal forces that impact the bedroom dynamics to help give some structure to understanding what's going on in there.

Perel's core premise is that erotically intelligent people find a way to establish a healthy balance between serious intimacy and sexual play. Taking intimacy seriously means being committed to the relationship: establishing and cultivating communication. Being sexually playful means letting go (in a healthy way) of operating out of a rigid system of beliefs around what is and is not allowed in sex in a committed relationship.

It's not a simple topic: it doesn't lend itself to easy analysis and general prescriptions. Despite that, Perel does an excellent job at drawing out the abstractions out of the specific circumstances. Over the course of the book, she pieces together a small, course-shaped mosaic of the modern couple navigating their way along a path that includes a genuinely satisfying long-term relationship.

For me, personally, Perel sparked whole missing elements of this incredible uniquely-human experience of being erotic. I had my own set of beliefs that held me back from really opening-up and sharing the healing, fun and vital experience of being in sexual desire. She underscored for me how critical being playful is to the whole endeavor. I found that I had a pretty rigid idea of what one can do to another that they love and respect. Turns out, when the two are in agreement and it is physically and psychologically safe, there's not a whole lot that is categorically "bad." Of course, each individual and each couple will negotiate out what they are/are not willing to try.

It's about ferreting out those (sometimes deeply-held) beliefs that create unnecessary limitations. In unlocking those structures, a whole burst of creative energy is released. In the human experience, vitality is creativity, expressed.

It's that vitality that many of us long for five/seven/fifteen years down the road... and the good news is that it never left. It's just that, mostly subconsciously, we unnecessarily stopped cultivating the conditions where our sexual creativity can thrive. Unlocking erotic intelligence is about bringing awareness to those unexamined beliefs and opening up (and acting on) the actual possibilities of what we can share with our beloved in bed (or anywhere else you wanna get it on!).

If the flame in your marriage has died down and you are keen to understand why that might have happened (in hopes of changing how you do relationship to make it different/better), I recommend you pick this book up, open your mind and let your fantasies fly!

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Mating in Captivity

This is a mind-blowing book that shakes your comfort zone to the core. If I had only had this information sooner. I am now in the 24th year of my marriage and it's hard to wind back the years and gain understanding about where we are now in our relationship and how we got there. However, this book gives me insight I have been unable to find anywhere else.Thank you Esther Perel!

It's worth it...

This is an excelent book, despite that it doesn't give you practices or advices to solve the problem as I thought in the fist place, but it gives you a new perspective of a problem very common and it makes you realise your problems and mistakes. Each person can make a conclusion from this book and make important changes in their life. It's very good.

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The Personal and Cultural Significance of Mating in Captivity

Although Mating in Captivity is primarily a book for those who are coupled up, it's just as valuable for those who aren't, because it can ease us all further along in the realization that human sexuality is far more complex and mysterious than the rational mind would have us believe.

As a psychoanalyst I deeply admire Esther Perel's book for its empathic approach to deepening our understanding of the vibrant independence of desire, and its inextricability from human nature. It's my hope that Mating in Captivity, already an international bestseller, is well on its way to changing the way our culture imposes unrealistically simple parameters on relationships and erotic life.

With her beautiful writing and clinical expertise, Perel raises up and expands the meaning of who we are as creatures of erotic expression.

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Very good.

This book is helpful to all people single, dating or married. The theme of autonomy within relationships is very important for people to understand and would help if it is truly practiced. As a member of the mental health field, I plan on recommending this book to colleagues, clients and friends.

reviews: 1, page 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

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