The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships

The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships | Harriet Lerner | The market has judged

books:

The Dance of Anger...

	The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships Harriet Lerner Harper Paperbacks, 2005 - 256 pages average customer review:based on 98 reviews view larger image
	for more information click here

highly recommended

A classic

Few self-help books stick around this long. This one has for good reason. I consider myself to be a pretty psychologically minded person. My husband and I spend long hours trying to understand ourselves and others. This book helped me to understand many of the issues I was dealing with with my parents. It discusses the flip side of depression--anger. This was an important topic for me to understand better and the author explains it well. I often recommend this book to my friends.

The market has judged

Self-help books are judged by the marketplace. I could pick holes in the theories of Dale Carnegie and Norman Vincent Peale but my judgment would be over-ruled by the fact that millions bought their books and found them helpful.
The marketplace has judged Harriet Lerner favorably. I must also say that she is an excellent writer. So now let me pick some holes, which may be completely irrelevant to the many people who have found her work useful and enjoyable.
She has two slightly contradictory basic premises, one feminist and one psychodynamic. The first is that women are not very good at being angry because society does not allow women's anger to be effective. The second is essentially psychoanalytic (although her stated theoretical base is the theories of Murray Bowen). The anger of the women she describes in her case vignettes is accounted for by the mental mechanisms (derived from Anna Freud's "The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defense") of displacement and projection. These women are not being angry at the right people.
The families she describes are not in very extreme situations. There is no physical violence, no guns or jail time, no cocaine or alcoholism, no rape or incest (and surprisingly little about sex). This may make it more relevant for a lot of people but less relevant for many of those whose daily lives are affected by anger.

for more information click here

Insightful

Dr. Lerner provides incredible insight into how to listen to anger, address the real issues behind anger, how to identify interpersonal patterns (dances), and how to make courageous changes in those patterns when needed. I spent many hours contemplating the ideas introduced in this book, and feel that I have a clearer sense of myself as a result. I have seen tangible effects in my life. Highly recommended.

The Cause of Your Anger

Learn to listen to your own anger and figure out the real cause behind it. You will learn more about yourself in the process.

Very Insightful and Provocative

My counselor recommended this book to me when I was going through a separation and divorce. I recently bought this book as a gift for a friend who is going through a difficult time. Lerner's experience and insights are very helpful. The concepts presented are provocative in that it will make the reader think about how their family of origin's relationship dynamic can often be seen reflected in the present. A must read for anyone wondering why they keep making the same choices in partners and how to break the cycle.

for more information click here