Lapham is right, "sucking up" is a valuable social skill. If you're a sociopath, don't read this book, since you already know everything. But if you're a reasonable person who has suffered because you don't understand how most people really work, this is the book for you! It is an easy read, and I revisit it often. It takes the stress out of dealing with people.Stunning and Simply Amazing Mr. Lapham's book only looks like a lightweight; it delivers a shrewd, tongue-in-cheek take on what it takes get ahead. Lapham lays an incredible yet logical foundation for his work in his introduction by describing the social and economic realities of our age. This incisive groundwork is just one of the reasons that makes this book so potent.
From there he details with elegant aplomb both spectacular and prosaic ways to climb the ladder of success. Particularly interesting to me were tidbits, like those from a wise, experienced uncle, which could garner less respect by virtue of being simplistic notions, however Lapham handles those in an extraordinarily entertaining way, while emphasizing the utility at the same time.
Having lived amidst the exalted lifestyles that power creates, it is Mr. Lapham's assurance of his viewpoint that makes the information in this book so valuable.
This book would make a great gift for the college graduate who desires to make something of him/herself. Its funny, charming, and sometimes delightfully outrageous master ploys are amazing. While it's too early to reveal the results of my subjective testing, suffice to say, you may be very pleased with the results.
The opening essay makes the argument that the courtier spirit is alive and well in America. In Europe's monarchies centuries ago, success could obtained by flattering the king. But in the US's democracy today, there are actually more 'kings' than there were then: there are CEOs, senators, executives, and editors -- they in turn control financial investments, defense contracts, government subsidies, book publications, and the media. As large corporations, governments and institutions become more pervasive, and power is concentrated into the hands of this new aristocracy, the more important it becomes to use of flattery, connections, networking, tact and image management in order get ahead. This observation is the heart of Lapham's thesis.
To apply this thesis to the real world, Lapham has 120 pages of "tips," many based on his personal experiences. Here's a few of his major points: One should only associate those more important people who can do you favors. When with the powerful, one should be polite, of course, but one should also avoid expressing strong opinions or emotions or ideas (although name-dropping is OK to show how connected you are). When speaking, one should have a certain seriousness and gravitas, but you need not say anything of substance -- he recommends using vague or abstract language full of cliché's & euphemisms, as they can actually a familiar comfort to listeners. Finally, one shouldn't try to be be brilliant or witty in public; realize that since mediocrity is the norm, an excessive display of intelligence could frighten others away.
Overall, Lapham's book was a fun read, though, as one reviewer wrote, it "drips acid." If you're an aspiring social climber or want to shimmy up the corporate ladder, and you're looking for some light reading & some pithy advice, then this book is highly recommended.
My personal favorite among the "Rules of Influence" can be found on page 57:
"The Distinction between a Winsome Blurb and an Angry Review"
"A winsome blurb is a tribute to the courage of the human spirit; an angry review is an insult to the goodness of your fellowman. Always write the winsome blurb; never write the angry review. [...]"
The funniest thing about my copy of the book was that someone who had borrowed it from the library before me had not realized that Lapham had written his "Rules of Influence" as (sarcastic) advice for sycophants and brownnosers. This unsuspecting reader dutifully marked with an orange highlighter sentences like "the first impression is also the last impression, which is why it is important to always wear clean shoes," or "seek out the acquaintance of people richer and more important than yourself and never take an interest in people who cannot do you any favors," or "Money attaches itself to velocity. Never stay in one job for more than five years, and remember that the most important person is the first one to leave the room. None of the best people travel with luggage or conviction."
For a stronger and truly original dose of sarcasm I recommend Ambrose Bierce's "The Devil's Dictionary" (1911); and if you prefer a more comprehensive view of the art of ingratiation, I suggest the well-researched and very smart "You're Too Kind: A Brief History of Flattery" (2000) by Richard Stengel.
